Make way for Judy

Alright, alright. I am clearly a terrible blogger. I am trying to change this though and post a lot more often(obviously I didn’t mean I am terrible blogger because my posts are lame).

My two newest obsessions are researching homeschooling and my elf Judy. The homeschooling chit chat I think I will leave for another post because I need to research it a bit more but just so you know it’s a thought and one that I think I am really in favor of. So, onto our elf Judy (Juday when she’s being fierce). We got Judy last year for my daughters first Christmas and yes, I know that Josie is not going to remember Judy’s early days but I assure you my husband and I will. I can’t even tell you how much fun we have taking turns hiding her around the house or anticipating what the other one did with her. Seriously we went to bed laughing every night in December last year. Surprisingly Darryl was clever with her (not that he isn’t clever but I tend to have to force him into doing stupid stuff with me) and I woke up to find her in some pretty precarious situations. For example, one morning I found her smoking oregano pot and another morning she had clearly spent all night drinking our beer. Needless to say Judy isn’t the sweetest elf around and you know something, I appreciate it. She did have a couple of therapy sessions last year with our Christmas teddy bear and while Darryl thinks she made real progress I know she still has a wild streak in her. One that I plan on exploiting heavily this year.

In preparation for Judy’s arrival from the North Pole I have started to plan out how she will actually show up/give word that she will be coming to town soon. In a day or two she will be sending a letter with a gingerbread house for us to build. She’s not doing it because she’s sweet and wants us to have fun family time but because she obviously needs a place for her stuff while she’s here. I will have to post the letter she sends because I anticipate it being hilarious. If it’s not then you probably will never see it and we will forget it ever happened. I also think Judy is going to show up a few days after Thanksgiving rather than the day after because the bottom line is she has some killer going away parties to go to and she’s probably going to be hung over. I’m not totally sure how she will actually arrive but I can venture to say it will be pretty awesome.

Disclaimers: I don’t exploit Judy like some people do to get their kids to behave during the holidays. Josie behaves already because I don’t mess around with her acting like a little a hole. She knows I’m legit and behaves like a little angel pie face. I also don’t ever complain about Judy like I hear some people do. You bought the elf so that means you have to commit to it and were obviously willing to commit to it at the time of purchase… it’s not like you have to make stupid powdered sugar snow angels every night but I mean relocate the elf and call it a night. I also plan on sending Judy to an intensive rehabilitation program before next year because I clearly don’t need her making a debacle of Christmas magic for Josie. So while Josie will only ever remember a sweet little elf Darryl and I will always have our early Judy memories to give us laughs for years to come. Maybe even if one of us gets Alzheimer’s it will be the only thing we remember. That’s an awful joke that I’m clearly not deleting.

So, the time is soon for Judy’s arrival and I guess I should get to cleaning the house because she is one picky bitch. IMG_1287

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D(23)issapointment

It’s the first day of the D23 expo and while I should be gearing up to go to bed early so I can wake up at the crack of dawn so I can head down to Saturdays expo, I’m not. I’m instead trying to find the bright side of having to go Sunday… When you think maybe Tom Hanks or Dick Van Dyke may be showing up only on Saturday it’s hard to find your silver lining. There will be one, I just don’t know what it is yet. In case you’re wondering why I won’t be making it tomorrow it’s because myself and someone I know are the biggest procrastinators in the world. We can normally get away with it too since her and I are weirdly able to get everything we want. Not this time. It’s sold out.

So, instead of gearing up for tomorrow I’m on the couch (pouting just a little) and listening to the Disneyland fireworks off in the distance with Pirates of the Caribbean on. Ratatouille just finished up. I can’t help but to feel a little teary eyed right now and it’s not from being disappointed but because I truly love the magic of Disney. Every night at 9:30 I’m reminded of not just this magical place twenty minutes away but this magical place that lives in me. In all of us. It’s, for me, one of pure pure wonder. I watch a Disney movie and I feel sweet again. I feel awe. Amazement. Hope. Joy. All of the things you lose as an adult Disney gives them back to you. Whether its for a day in the parks or ninety minutes with a movie or 15 minutes of spectacular fireworks a two minute song you feel it again.

Sometimes my childhood wasn’t the best. I love my parents and they love me but they didn’t always like each other and the house could feel it. For those times when a screaming match was going on I could just get lost in Beauty and the Beast or the Little Mermaid and it was an escape. I could breathe and relax because they were a comfort. They offered me another world that sometimes I needed. I love Disney for giving that to me and I know that millions of others feel the same.

This is why I feel disappointed about not being able to go. I want to experience Disney’s great moments because it’s a great moment for me and I cherish those forever.

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Just a few perfect Disney moments from the past year. I remember each one perfectly and they fill my heart.

Negative

I feel like I just want to throw out some rants/shout outs right now.

  1. Shout out to the guy who reviewed Lake Perris on Yelp and said that the beach area looked like a Somalian refugee camp. You nailed it on the head. It was a perfect comment in the perfect tone and I appreciate that you were not afraid to be not PC. I also appreciate the hysterical laughs that my Sister-in-Law and I had as we approached that same beach on a wave runner.
  2. Rant. I am curious why in the span of 6 hours at the SRC (Somalian Refugee Camp) there were two lost kids and one announcement by the life guards to keep an eye on your children. How on Earth do you actually lose your child in that setting? Let me set it up. Beach with an ass load of people. How are you not on your child like “white on rice.” Considering that the women who lost the child was surrounded by her 20 person familia I am assuming that there were enough people to actually keep an eye on the kid. Also, if you actually believe your child is lost enough to have the lifeguards clear the water and search the bottom of the lake why are you not in the lake searching too or screaming said childs name while running up and down the beach… just to insure they know they are lost and you are worried. Why are you sitting up at the life guard tower barely crying and making the “aye Dios mios face.” Just curious how that happens. Our group had two kids under the age of 3 with us. Never once did we lose them and constantly people were making sure they were still at base camp. Like if my husband couldn’t see our baby he made sure I knew where she was or grandma or someone had her. It is still more baffling that three hours after the first lost child and the watch your kids announcement that there was ANOTHER lost child. What the shit people. These are children.
  3. Shout out to my Dad for actually making a pretty fun day at the SRC. It was pretty great and I got an awesome base tan (sunburn). The raft you pull behind the boat was pretty incredible and loved that it was like getting an enema with out the hassle.
  4. Rant. Teething infants kind of aren’t the greatest. I medicate you. You sleep for 4 hours. You wake up. I offer nice cooling frozen watermelon and canteloupe to sooth those sore gums. You throw them on the floor and give me “what is this shit” look. You whine. I give you something else. You throw it all over yourself. I stay patient.   You continue to whine and only want to be held but at 14 months you’re not so easy to carry around all day long. I still love you though. Also you’re so cute I want to eat you.
  5. Rant. I should be running and training for this 1/2 marathon I have coming up… but it’s so hot I feel like a hippo swimming through quicksand.

That’s it. I guess I’m in a Negative Nancy kind of mood right now.

 

 

 

Busted.

Two weeks ago, when the temperature hit an awesome ninety degrees, I decided to go buy Baby J a water play mat. I thought she might like it because she could go crazy walking all over it and getting sprayed in the face, you know, stuff kids love. I thought this was a killer idea so on our next errand run I picked one up for her.

When we got home I laid the mat out on the nice new grass and then took Baby J upstairs to prepare for some good ol’ fashion fun in the sun. When we got outside she cruised around–picking up rocks and trying to start a fire that was never going to happen–while I tried to connect the hose to the mat. Tried. In theory it sounds easy enough to do. In fact, it’s so “easy” to do it doesn’t even come with instructions. I’m sure in most peoples houses it actually is easy to do. It probably goes something like this:

  1. Lay mat out onto grass
  2. Walk over to hose
  3. Unscrew hose nozzle
  4. Screw on hose to mat
  5. Turn on water
  6. Realize that $5 play mat is using a ton of water
  7. Wonder when Al Gore is going to show up and start talking about what a detriment to society I am by wasting so much water. Or maybe I will get lucky and he will talk about Manbearpig
  8. After 15 minutes decide you’re over trying to regulate your bat shit crazy baby from going into the dirt soaking wet.
  9. Tell yourself your going to give it another go tomorrow
  10. Don’t give it another go but instead by a baby pool that you think will help regulate activity but actually doesn’t
  11. Realize you’re free from any threat of Al Gore showing up because at least now you’re conserving water

 

 

Like I said. That’s how it should go. But in my case I hit a bit of a snafu at step #3. I couldn’t unscrew the nozzle. WHHHYYYY?????? Oh, because, maybe there was some sort of plumbers tape (?) wrapped all around the teeth (?) of the actual hose. Upon further inspection I realized that the tape was holding the nozzle very firmly in place. To any other wife this may not be a big deal. Maybe you just get over it and decide it must have been leaking so hubby did some manly improvements on your hose for you. NOT IN MY HOUSE!!! In my house this is just yet another reminder of how many hoses have basically just come her to die. In total (in the past two years) we have had six hoses in our front yard (this doesn’t even count the two in our back yard) that have “somehow” been ruined. They’ve actually been run over, sliced with a box cutter, run over again, ruined by paint, ruined by mortar, and run over again.

Let’s get something out of the way. I’m not some weirdo who keeps my hose rolled up on the driveway just begging to be ran over. I keep it nice and “safe” near the front porch.

My husband swears not to be up to anything abnormal out front but I just can’t help but think that he actually is. For a while I chalked it off to him remodeling our house and just having to use the hose(s) a lot to clean all of his tools then leaving it laying all around then accidently driving onto our front porch with his truck thus killing our hose. I’ve now decided he’s playing a sick game with me.

After we finished our front yard (new grass, rocks, a tree, the whole deal) I thought “you know something… it’s time to welcome a permanent hose to the front.” So I did. I got this bad boy:

 

WOAH! It really is that awesome! Was. Was that awesome. Since “some how” the lever on the nozzle that controls water distribution broke my husband decided to buy a nozzle and stick it on there. Okay no problem. I mean wannabe Billy Mays hose had a nozzle so why not ours right? It would actually be fine if my husband hadn’t glued ours onto the hose. Now we have no options. I can’t use the play mat with out bringing the hose from out back to out front and I just don’t know that I’m willing to risk that hose. So, I buy a baby pool all while huffing and cussing under my breath (for a week) while I look at that hose. I figured that I just needed the hose to work well enough to fill up a baby pool. It just needs to work…

 

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Master? I’m probably no Yoda…

Tomorrow will be the day that I start a cleanse. I have my sights set for three days (somewhat attainable goal) but really who knows how it’s going to go. The bottom line is that I just love food. Like I literally live for my next delicious bite and if I keep at this rate then in two years you will see me on Biggest Loser. Secretly it’s a dream of mine because I love Jill and Bob, however, I don’t want to be that chubby.

The purpose of this cleanse, or rather my purpose of this cleanse, is to make it so I don’t crave my top food groups (i.e. treats and bread) and instead look at food as a life source and not an activity. This will probably be extremely hard seeing as how my husband and I plan our weekends around meals. Going to Disneyland? Okay well let’s make sure we swing by Ghirardelli for a sundae. Out running errands for the day? How about a stop in at BJ’s. Long day ahead of us? Start the day out right with a breakfast at Flappy Jacks*. This is all fine and good for my husband since he doesn’t gain weight. Well plus or minus ten pounds on a guy doesn’t count. Plus or minus ten pounds on a girl is a different story and let’s call it like it is… I’ve got a few more than ten pounds to shed.

I understand eating right. I cook all of our meals. I have stopped buying dessert type treats. I exercise, in fact I’m training for the Disney half marathon on Labor Day weekend. My problem is that I am a bored/emotional eater. Nothing makes me feel better than something so delicious to bite into. Perhaps the cleanse will take away that emotional need for food help me focus on what food really is.

*Flappy Jacks is the best breakfast in the world. No joke. Okay maybe not better than the Peppermill in Vegas but it’s pretty amazing. Also you may be more likely to get diabetes at the Peppermill than Flappys.

Because I have a baby that sometimes feels the need to interrupt me mid blog post the upper portion was really written on Thursday (it’s Monday) and I now have an update for you! I’ll be honest… I’m no master at the Master Cleanse. At least not yet. I will try it again… next week sometime. Maybe.

I began my cleanse on Friday morning and it was going great… until about three in the afternoon when I was going into a full hunger rage and deciding that my daughter and my husband probably didn’t need to endure me being out of control. I ended up eating a turkey burger (no bun) that rocked my world. I do have to say that I have been eating much better (minus the cinnamon roll I at on Sunday) and have set some attainable healthy goals.

Here the are:
1. Lose 15 pounds by July 4th
2. Run four times a week.
3. Exercise 6 times a week

I actually feel like this will be something I do. I have my husband on board to help motivate me and work out with me. So I may not have conquered the cleanse goal but I did conquer the shame and guilt I normally feel when I don’t achieve what I want to achieve. Pretty big step in the world of me.

Why, yes I am.

This is it. The very first published post. I would like to say it will be the first of many but in truth it very well may be the only one. Or maybe just the first of two. I ‘m not sure.

When my husband asked me last night what I wanted for Mother’s Day I didn’t have an answer. Not because I’m one of those moms who says they don’t want anything–I like gifts. I like to give them and certainly to receive them–but because I truly hadn’t thought about it. My birthday was just last week and my husband presented me with a guitar (I don’t play but have this idea in my mind that one day I will play) and so something new just wasn’t on my mind. At least not last night. This morning I woke up with a FANTASTIC idea for what I would like to get so I called him and let him know that I would like Depeche Mode tickets. He of course didn’t love the idea (I truly think he was expecting me to say a gift certificate somewhere but he should really know by now that I’m not afraid to go big when asked what I want. Hence the guitar) but let’s be honest, I’ll probably get the tickets (because he wuvs me).

So, in preparation for my upcoming concert I decided to YouTube a video of them from their AMAZING concert in 1988 at the Rose Bowl. All you DM fans will of course know that is probably their finest hour(s) in a live performance. Here is a snippet for you.

For some reason the German subtitled on it makes it even more cool. Also, you so wish you could pull off white jeans like Dave can. Very few are able to do it.

Now I’m amped. I mean do I think this show will be as good as the Rose Bowl? Absolutely not. It’s not possible and I don’t know that they have ever reached that level again but the bottom line is: They are so cool I can’t stand it. So, in order to prep for the awesomeness that is a DM concert I have two goals:

  1. To create as many Depeche Mode fans as possible. Or at least recommend what song/album would best suit your stage in life at the moment.
  2. To lose enough weight that when I wear jeans and lift my arms up in some ecstatic frenzy my hip bones are exposed thus exposing my ultra cool DM tattoo and making it known to all surrounding people that I’m a true fan.

Tattoo

Yep. That’s the tattoo.

I guess I could commit to a post with full progress reports/updates on how achieving my goals is going and that would put me at two blog posts for sure. I just don’t know that it would be totally interesting.

I just realized I should probably make it known that I was not at the Rose Bowl concert. I would have been 2. Just watch 101 and you will understand how I, someone who wasn’t there, can know it was so crazy good.